Malaise

I'm not closing this blog, but it has been, and will probably continue to be, a slow period for a while. A post every week or two.

I didn't report on Games Day in Jerusalem or any of the other recent session reports in Jerusalem or Raanana. You can go to the Jerusalem site maintained by Nadine or the Raanana site maintained by Ellis. They have more of a head for this sort of thing right now.

My life is focused entirely on writing a book, which is funny because I'm not actually doing any writing; I'm avoiding writing by watching movies, a few TV shows, or reading material irrelevant to my book. I lack discipline or purpose or a wife or something. On the one hand I feel that I am driven to do something worthwhile with my life; simply existing isn't enough. A book will not only contribute to the world in a permanent way, it will also make my life better: through the discipline of having done it and for the (minimal) prestige of having done it.

On the other hand, something there is inside me that fights against it. Maybe because my ex-wife told me I'm stuck and doing this would be something like what she would want me to do. Or maybe I'm depressed, or need a lot of wind down from my long but useful job. Or maybe it's too big a project for me until I break it down into steps. Blog posts a couple of pages long, even when they require research, telephone calls, and database organization, are so much easier.

Which is the point. I don't want it easy; I know I don't. Whenever I hit an amusement park, I go on a roller coaster not because I think they're fun but because they terrify me. We need to face things that terrify us once in a while. We need to break routines, follow a vision, make the world better. Make ourselves better.

If you have suggestions that can help me get started (I've actually culled together a few of my older blog posts and written a few pages of random material), please comment.